Feedback for NPR’s Broadcast on June 12, 2025, called: “What Seeking Revenge Does To Our Brains”
As a research psychologist, I enjoyed immensely the presentation on NPR “What does seeking revenge do to our brains?” I’ve spent my life studying human behavior (as an octogenarian, that’s a long time); the subject interested me intensely.
I’d like to contribute to the work on “revenge” by presenting a psychological theory I developed back in the 1970s that touches on that very subject. The connection between what was said during that presentation and the essence of my theory was uncanny.
For example, my theory discovered that all human behavior can be explained by interpreting how we relate to the world around us. The theory itself is simplistic in nature as it’s adopted from the structure of “existence” itself. Given that existence is a relational phenomenon and we human beings exist (like existence itself), we must continually be in relationship with the outside world while receiving confirmation of our relational activity. This particular psychological approach to understanding the human condition, which I call “Structured Psychology,” is a theory that employs logic to explain why we think, feel, and do the things we do.
As previously stated, NPR’s coverage on “revenge” and the behavior it inspires was of definite interest to me. However, in that broadcast, listeners were given a review of what revengeful behavior looks like, but were not offered any explanation concerning why revenge exists in the first place or why revengeful behavior could be detrimental. We learn that revenge can indeed be harmful to us, but we were not told why.
According to Structured Psychology, revenge is a necessary reaction to any relationship whose process of confirmation negates or contradicts the essence of “who someone is.” In Kimmel’s personal case, for example, each time he was bullied as a child, he experienced an essential part of “who he was” as being denied by those who bullied him (a taxing situation for any logically constructed entity to endure). His reaction, although well managed, left him pained by the contradictions that he received but were never resolved, as would be expected. “Who he was” was a sensitive, worthy, understanding young fellow, but his relational environment exhibited that “who he was” was none of the above. This kind of psychological contradiction, as a result, created (at least in part) the psychological pain that he has been experiencing all his life, whether consciously or subconsciously.
The way we are all psychologically structured requires that we must relate to our outside world. Yet, when a relationship is contrary to our needs and wants (contrary to “who we are”), we feel negatively affected, which then requires a degree of compensation or adjustment—revenge—to keep in balance who we logically are as humans. However, such compensation, carried out by one’s behavior, rarely puts a definitive stop to the back-and-forth contradictions that often follow between contradicted subjects and objects. “You insult me, I insult you.” In other words, until our relational worth is recognized by the objects of the relationships we have, we will feel relationally contradicted and, therefore, betrayed, a feeling that is psychologically painful to all. If no compensation is forthcoming, we accumulate the negative impact that such experiences have on us, which forms a part of the person we slowly but surely become every minute of our relational lives.
For years, I have wondered how the help psychology provides to patients could be enhanced. Perhaps it is by realizing how we are psychologically structured and how that structure drives us to think, feel, and ultimately behave the way we do. Simply knowing how we are psychologically pieced together would allow patients to regain control over their lives that endless contradictions have stolen from them, and will enable them to manage their behavior in more personal and socially acceptable ways.
For more information, please review my explanation of revenge and many other common human emotions from a scientifically anchored basis here on this website, or read about it in my book It’s Not Your Fault.
Best regards,
Rogers Velazquez Follansbee, PhD
Former professor of psychology:
Universidad de Navarra, Pamplona Spain.
